One of the most neglected areas of mediumship development is personal development, i.e. an examination of the Self. We spend time and effort looking to the Spirit World to give to us but spend very little time looking at what we’re offering to them. Mediumship is an emotional experience, filtered by the mind of medium; that is to say what we hold within us will influence, affect and be reflected in our mediumship. In fact, what manifests in our communication with the Spirit World is either a reflection of them, or a reflection of us. There are undoubtedly experiences and qualities we have that can be incredibly helpful to the Spirit World, yet it is also important to understand that some aspects of ourselves can be detrimental to the Spirit World, the communications and detract from the medium we wish to be.
Ideally the medium moves into and is held by the Power, and as the medium is so held, their conscious mind alters from being fully present, engaged and aware of their physical senses, to being an observer of the information coming from the Spirit Communicator. As the communicators move into the presence of the medium, evidence is ‘transmitted’ through the auric (energy) field of the medium into their awareness. The conscious mind of the medium ‘watches’ this, but doesn’t interfere with it, they let it pass through and don’t consciously think about it or analyse it. Whilst the mediums conscious mind moves out slightly, the subconscious and unconscious parts of the mind are closer to the surface. Because the conscious mind is not fully engaged and the subconscious mind is the most dominant during Spirit communication, this is often why mediums don’t always remember what they have said to their recipients, unless they're afterwards.
We’re usually very aware of what we’re thinking in any given moment, but we’re not always aware of the information that’s held within our subconscious and unconscious mind. Ordinarily the content within these parts of the mind is hidden from our full awareness and usually comes up only when there is some sort of ‘trigger’. These are the parts of the mind where the potential to sabotage the process of mediumship occurs, because of the ‘filters’ we hold within us. These filters can easily affect everything that takes place within the communication, from the types of evidence the medium is open to, even to the types of communicators they attract from the Spirit World. These ‘filters’ can also influence their ability to receive and communicate with the Spirit World at all. The Oxford English Dictionary of the word ‘filter’ states;
“Process or assess (items) in order to reject those that are unwanted.”
This processing or assessing of information takes place in all aspects of the mind of the medium to some degree, but mostly operates in the background often without them being aware of it. Some of the things we filter are very obvious, conscious, and we’re aware of them, and sometimes they’re hidden and are buried away in our unconscious and are rooted in difficult experiences or painful emotions. The filters we take into our psychic and mediumistic connections include;
1. Unresolved issues of the medium
2. Prejudices of the medium (racism, homophobia etc)
3. The mediums beliefs/perception of Spirit World and the process of mediumship
4. The ‘I’m not good enough’ stuff
Unresolved Issues Of The Medium
We all have unresolved issues, we know them, but we may be reluctant to look at them. These are the experiences that may cause us various physical reactions, such as increased heart rate or anxiety in the pit of the stomach when we think about them. It could be the pain of losing someone, the memory of being hurt, the guilt, anger, and shame we sometimes feel about ourselves as a result of those things. We often work really hard to defend ourselves from the pain of those experiences so that we don’t feel them again; we avoid talking about the experience and we deny and avoid feeling any associated emotions, so that we can feel free and safe. We distract ourselves, we pretend we’re ok, we do affirmations, engage in behaviours that we believe will move us further away from the upsetting experiences. Sometimes this is a conscious choice, but mostly it isn’t, certainly regarding childhood traumas and experiences, the painful experiences are pushed into the unconscious mind, never to see the light of day again so we don’t always remember the details and can therefore live beyond the ‘wound’.
When we move into our mediumship, we enter into a slightly more vulnerable state because our subconscious and unconscious experiences are closer to the surface and are therefore likely to be re-experienced more than at any other time. If some of our experiences are similar to an aspect of evidence that the spirit communicator wishes to bring, the protectiveness of the conscious mind will filter it out, so it doesn’t disable the medium and put them into a crisis as they relive and re-experience their own stuff. For example, if your Dad had died of a heart attack and you didn’t get to say goodbye, that pain is still alive within you and if you haven’t worked through the grief, it could compromise your mediumship. Your minds need to ‘protect’ you, so it may mean that in your mediumship you block from the Spirit World all Dads, everyone who’s died from a heart attack, or those who didn’t get to say goodbye because for you to experience those things again in your mediumship would bring up your past pain and as a result, this could severely compromise your mediumship and put you into crisis.
Prejudices Of The Medium
All of us like to think that we are spiritually minded, loving and accepting of everyone and everything without prejudice, but the truth is we all hold some form of prejudice or stereotyping. Common forms of prejudice are;
Racism
Sexism
Ageism
Religious prejudice
Xenophobia
The stereotyping of people, ideas, and objects is actually a very normal way in which we categorise the world so that we can navigate through it simply and easily. It is how we find our friends and avoid our perceived enemies. Prejudices are usually borne out of stereotypical experiences, usually our own but they are sometimes handed down to us from our parents or society and they can be positive or negative. Regardless of how they manifest, the root of prejudice comes from the concept of being separate from a person’s idea of what is ‘normal’.
Obviously, we are all unique, difference can’t be avoided. Certainly, as a medium, our job is to deliver information that demonstrates the uniqueness and individuality of those loved ones who have passed away. However, if as a medium you hold a prejudice against a particular section of society, demographic, culture or ethnicity, this could result in you unconsciously blocking out anyone in your mediumship who carries the things you’re prejudiced about. If you have issues with gay people on this side of life, then it’s very likely you wouldn’t experience a communicator who was gay when living.
Mediums Beliefs and Perceptions of the Spirit World and the Process of Mediumship.
What do you believe about the Spirit World? Where is it? Who gets into and who doesn’t? How do people communicate? Do you go to your first or second husband or wife when you die? These are just a few of the questions which we should ask ourselves and the Spirit World as we unfold our awareness. The wonderful thing about our mediumship reflecting us, is that our awareness will also conform to the beliefs we hold about it. I remember watching a medium demonstrate at my local church and she began the demonstration by saying;
“If you died in a normal way, with cancer, heart attacks, or strokes, you go to the Spirit World no problem. If you die in any other way you go to a waiting room in the Spirit World until what would have been the time you should have passed over”.
How does it feel to read that? Can you imagine how that sounded to the audience member whose son had committed suicide, or whose daughter had been murdered. Or to the parents who’d never been before and were hoping to hear from their twin sons who’d been killed in an accident? I can’t even imagine the horror and distress this would have caused them. What was interesting about the subsequent demonstration was that the only people who’d communicated through the medium that night were little old ladies who’d died in their beds at a ripe old age, and men who “lived well” and died naturally.
Whether it’s about the Spirit World, the process of communication, how it works and why it doesn’t, or about bigger beliefs such as God, religion, love, what’s normal and what isn’t, our awareness and sensitivity will be affected by those beliefs. We must periodically examine what we think, what we feel and what we know and be open to learning from our experiences and inviting in new ones. I always say that everything I’ve ever needed to know about life and myself has been brought to me through a person or an experience. By being open to listening, by being willing to be challenged we evolve and as we evolve as a person, so does the phenomena of our mediumship and how it’s expressed.
‘Not Good Enough’ Stuff.
As an 18-year-old medium, I fought so hard to be ‘right’. It was so important to me that everyone I spoke with believed my truth about the Spirit World being real. Because of this, when I was faced with someone who didn’t, I would be offended or upset with them. How could they NOT believe me? Being humble wasn’t easy in the early days; mediumship was the ‘biggest’ thing in my world and I needed to show it to everyone at all times. I somehow felt the need to prove to the world how ‘right’ I was because mediumship was a part of me. When I’d initially begun to take demonstrations, I was simply very grateful to be invited to demonstrate and was only too willing to go; I loved to serve the Spirit World. My ego also enjoyed my working for Spirit too, as It believed what everyone said to It about how great a medium Darren was, how amazing the evidence was, and how Darren as a person must be so special to have so much ability at such a young age. It needed and wanted to believe the praise because It had never been so affirmed in all Its life. The truth is that the foundation of my mediumship was built on the need it fulfilled within me. It was one of the very few times in my young life that I felt good, right, needed and valued. I identified with the belief that I was somehow better because of the mediumship; I felt inadequate and that made me egotistical.
The ego is the part of you that thinks ‘IT’ is something of value separate from everyone and everything else. It also means that you might;
Get easily offended
Need to be right
Need to win or be the best
Need to feel superior
Need to have more or be more
Define yourself on the basis of your achievement
Define yourself on the basis of your reputation
When in the grip of an ‘ego trip’, you are fully identifying with your Self and are therefore likely to display all or some of the above behaviours and hold certain beliefs and use particular language. The belief in inadequacy isn’t just about how we see ourselves based on our earlier experiences. If we identify with a thought or belief that as a developing medium we can’t do it, we’re not good enough, right enough, spiritual enough, clever enough, or any other kind of ‘enough’ then we manifest the experience. Howard Falco in his book “I Am” states that;
“The egos desire is to turn the beliefs about itself into the experience of itself.”
None of the filters I’ve mentioned are immoveable blocks. They are not fixed, they move, they disappear, they show up sometimes and not at others, but by the very nature of them they act as a ‘saboteur’ of information in the mediumistic state. Undertaking personal development and self-awareness classes or counselling or psychotherapy actually helps to reduce the impact of our filters because, by bringing the unconscious experiences into our conscious awareness, we can become free of their influence. When we don’t resist, deny, or avoid looking at those parts of us, not only do we get the benefit of psychological and emotional healing, we also ‘unlock’ the filter and thereby open ourselves up to more of the Spirit World. Regardless of which practice of self-awareness you engage in, the ONLY antidote to moving out of our ego, inadequacy and the associated emotions and behaviours is to develop and cultivate empathy, for ourselves and everyone else.